Survivor

As I looked out over the city today, bathed in sunlight, my thoughts could not completely stray from the image of this woman who is a regular customer at Taco Bell. I have often wondered what life must be like for her. I wonder if what people say about her is true. I dont know, but there is something about her that I cannot seem to shake. Perhaps it is that she is loved by God and His heart weeps over her.

They say she is a prostitute. Perhaps she is or perhaps they are merely jealous of her expensive silver car which would seem to indicate that she has exorbitant amounts of money. With streaky blonde and oily hair, heavy make-up, and ever present cleavage; she does look the part. Maybe she is. At this point in our acquaintance, I cannot say for sure. I can say that she carries the aura of a survivor as her eyes dart about, her movements are jerky, and her smile seems forced. Whatever her circumstances, life has been hard. Life has made her shrewd and, perhaps, bitter. She is always polite to me when I take her order. I have never had a need to complain of her harshness, yet there is a harshness about her. It is reflected in the starkness of her rouge. What does she have to live for? What is the purpose of her survival? Like many women who have been battered by injustice and would have given up had it not been, she has a child. As I ran her credit card and we waited for her food, we chatted about her son who has an obsession for Taco Bell food. She admitted, with some embarrassment, that "we eat here too much." As I often see her and I know that she always orders a chicken burrito, I can verify that she is a regular customer. She mentioned that her son prefers our food over her making something at home. There seemed to be a hint of failure in her voice. Perhaps it merely stemmed from her feeding him food that she knows is unhealthy or perhaps it stems from her inability to cook. She may feel like she is an inadequate mother, but there seems to be in her a tenacious drive to protect and provide for her child. I would wager that she would die for this little boy who is developing the appetite of a man. Whatever else she may be, she is a mother like any other mother who is striving to give her child the best that she can.

Anticipation

As I embark on the final chapter of what has been a fruitful season, I am filled with anticipation. First of all, I am anticipating a great semester. For the first time, I am only taking 12 credits. This feels like cake. Yes, cake....sweet and soft and nourishing...ahem. I am taking classes that I am excited to be in. I have Pastoral Counseling with Dr. Ortega, Bible Theology Integration with Larry Powers, Fundamentals of Philosophy with Mrs. Bilynski, and Acting with Danell Bemis. I am also taking year book with Danell. In two of my classes, I have two of my SMC allumni friends. This could be fun. The only class that occasionally causes some fear and trepidation to prey upon my soul is Bible Theology Integration in which we will be called upon to write six 8-10 page papers. Other than that, however, my classes seem like they will be beneficial without too much pain and agony accompanying.

I was not selected for select ensemble this semester. It is a bit discouraging, but at the same time it is also freeing. They told us they were going to be more selective this term and that they would be cutting each section down to 2. We auditioned last week and there were some new girls who are phenomenal. Thus, I am not too surprised. They said that I need to learn how to read music. At first glance that seemed kinda absurd, but then I realized that my experience in choirs has been more of hearing my part as opposed to reading my part. I read music when playing piano, but I don't so much in singing. Honestly, select ensemble last semester was the most stressful singing I have ever been apart of because I was always afraid of not hitting the right note and then I was getting called out a lot. I realized that I'm not so good at finding and holding my note in a small group. Also, my last choir experience (Gospel choir) was entirely by sound and I was able to hide behind the adult sopranos. All that to say, I am not singing in select ensemble.....but that frees up time for being a part of the Spring drama. Auditions are this week. I did mine last night. I'm hoping to get a part as I really enjoyed Finding Jospeh.

I have decided to attend Calvary and talked with Ralph Geddies (the children's pastor) last Sunday about plugging in again. They are in the middle of a new thing in the children department with a whole new curriculum designed to teach children virtues. As I have been sitting under the teaching of Larry Powers, I have been desiring to teach children and youth doctrinal truths in such a way that they love it and are solid in it. I anticipate some fruitful ministry in the children department.

Another reason for anticipation is that I am graduating in less than four months. I know that God will not "leave me hanging" as to what is the next step. He hasn't yet and He won't this time either. The next couple of months should be exhilarating as I know He will be opening and closing doors for me, Krista, and my class mates. I spoke with our women's dean about the position in the dorms next year. I was informed that its really up in the air right now as it depends on NHCC getting a lot of students so that they can fund the position. I would be responsible for the dorms in addition to serving the college probably as someone's administrative assistant. They will hopefully be taking applications for the position in March. Prior to my meeting with Carolyn, I was at a table with one of the other seniors who is also considering this position. I think that she would be great. Either way, it's a big question mark right now. I am seeking to know if I am supposed to knock on this door some more or if I need to try another door such as pursuing my masters in counseling. It would take me at least another 2-3 years, but and I am looking at some different seminaries and universities. Or perhaps I should just try to find a ministry position somewhere as a childrens or youth pastor. Doors. Doors. Doors. It will become clearer as the Lord leads. I turned in all of my stuff to be licensed with OBC today. Pastor Gary saw me and was so sweet. He gave me a starbucks card for being the third generation to apply for license with OB.

Anyways, life is good. I am seeking to mentor those God has placed in my life for this season. It's going to be a good semester and I intend to enjoy it to the maximum.

Lizzy's Hero

He was her hero. He had always been her hero. Doesn’t every little girl adore her big brother? However, her eldest brother was like none other who ever had been. He never was selfish or mean. Instead, he gave of himself. Yet, he was zealous in guarding his quite morning walks with the Lord. He was kind and gracious, yet he knew how to take a stand. In fact, he had an almost irritating way of being perfect. Elizabeth’s thoughts strayed to memories of her childhood. Images of a little girl dancing with her big brother flashed through her mind. He had always loved her. She knew she could always trust him. Elizabeth was not the only one who thought favorably of her brother. People loved him! They gathered to him like bees to pollen. Who wouldn’t? Was he not the one who could heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and even restore the dead to life? His words rung with authority, yet they were not harsh to the repentant. His words were food, drink, and life to those who could accept them. With an uncanny intuition, he knew every person’s heart. Yet, not all loved him. Some even hated him. Hated her big brother? As incredible as it seemed to Elizabeth, it was true. She had watched in agony as all of hell broke loose against him. Those eyes that had always twinkled with love for her were filled with pain, sweat, and blood. His arms that had held her close when she cried dragged a cross to Golgotha. Surely this was a nightmare! The pain of what she had witnessed took her breath away. How could this happen to her hero? Why? What had he ever done that deserved this? Elizabeth’s heart broke as she heard the sobbing of her mother nearby. It was cruel and senseless, savagery at its height. Hope seemed to die that day. Now she mourned. Worse than the fear that surrounded her, was the emptiness within her. Elizabeth tried to be strong, but the tears flowed repeatedly. Who could blame her as she crumpled to the ground once again at the thought of her brother? But then, she heard a familiar voice. When with eyes brimming she turned around, there stood her brother and savior. Bewilderment, joy, and reverence flooded her heart as he reached for her hand and guided her to her feet.

Unique

We may get some snow in the next few days. Upon reflecting on this, I wrote this little bit.

I am a snowflake slipping from the hands of the Creator. I revel in my individuality and my maker’s creativity as I dance to the earth’s surface.

I am a moment in time. There has never been one exactly like me before and there will never be another.

I am a fingerprint who belongs solely to one owner. I distinguish this one from any other.

I am a DNA strand. I bear the diverse effects of many DNA strands, however no other has ever been orchestrated quite like me.

I am a human being created in the image of the Living God. As my fingertips brush the delicate snowflake, I stand in one moment of time with one complex DNA sequence running throughout my earthly body and I realize that I am one of a kind.

“My frame was not hidden from You [God] when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be” (Ps. 139:15-6, NIV).

And Then There was Nothing

I gasped for air as sharp pain coursed through my entire being. Even as I was aware of the searing sting, I felt weak and fading. Fading into what though? Fading into nothingness along with everything else that I had ever known or seen or touched or heard or smelled or tasted. The unthinkable had happened. But how? Who knows, but it had. God was no more. His timeless existence had stopped and all of everything was coming to a screeching halt. It was as if I was witnessing a motor vehicle accident in slow motion. Every creature, that was or had ever been, felt it. How could we not? Our beings were being consumed into a mass of nothingness. The One who had sustained our beings was no longer and the whole universe was left gasping for air as it suffocated. Every soul on earth, in heaven or hell was wailing in agony as we slipped into the abyss. Everything material was writhing in anguish as it dulled away. The mountains, the trees, the oceans and rivers; even the sun, moon, and stars; everything felt it. Everything that man had ever imagined or built was being swallowed up into the void. The spiritual realm was quaking as it staggered through its death throes. The angels and the demons, those celestial beings who had known of God first hand, suffered intensely. The angels were tasting death for the very first time in their long existence for they had never been separated from God’s presence. God’s presence is life and the lack thereof is death. They mourned deeply not only because of their personal pain, but also because of the death of the One they adored. Surely the celestial beings had known that the existence of all things had been sustained by God. The demons, though they had hated God, now mourned His departure as they were dragged into non-existences. Total chaos reigned throughout creation. It was unraveling at the seams. I could feel it, we all did. It was the complete absence of light and of peace and of love. All that was left was death.
And then there was nothing.

“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being.” (Rev. 4:11)

Hey Lookee Ma! I got me some smarts.

This is just a quick blurb to let you all know that you can officially get another one of those cheesy "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers. We had honors assembly today. Every year they give out eight pins to the two people with the highest GPA of each class. The person with the highest GPA gets a gold pin, while the second person gets a silver pin. I was blessed to receive the silver pin for the junior class this year. It's not that big of a deal...but it's the little things that count, right?



We were also awarded scholarships at the honors assembly. Krista was awarded three scholarships of which I will let her tell you about. I received two. The first was the "Pacific Region Women's Ministry" scholarship for $1300 and the second was the "Veterans Scholarship" for $750. I have yet to hear what Fafsa money I am receiving in addition to other tuition helps for grades and parents. I also will not hear back about the Glen Bell scholarship until June. Little by little, God is providing yet again!



Krista and I are both applying to be Ignite leaders next year (small group leaders). I am volunteering at LPSC which will also be my internship, thus I have a whole 12 hours of my internship done. Only 82 more hours to go. I want to get involved in chapels next year. I would also like to run for student counsel. I have heard that there is a paid children's pastor position available at Wayside OB. I am praying about it. (Keep this on the "hush hush." Immediate family are the only ones who read this...that's why I mention it here.)

There is so much happening...so many opportunities to jump on. Did you guys hear that our new name will be New Hope Christian College after June 10th? Krista and I will be part of the the first graduating class of NHCC. Krista has heard that we will get to decide if we want EBC or NHCC on our diplomas....too many options!What's a girl to do? haha.


Retreat was fantastic. Once again I was told to "wait." I was also repeatedly blessed and encouraged by the other ladies. It was ridiculous. I walked away thanking God, but knowing that I didn't deserve so much encouragement. Also I saw another piece to my theme for this year. I had prayed and fasted at the beginning of the year for a theme (I'm turning into my mom...ah...lol jk; ). I felt the words "seek" and "heart's desires" impressed on me. I thought that this meant I was to seek my heart's desire.What heart's desire could be deeper than being close to God? But then it got tweaked at retreat as I was journaling. I think I had it wrong. I'm not supposed to seek my heart's desires...I'm supposed to be seeking God's heart's desires this year. I'm praying about what exactly this means besides the Christianese answer. I've been so blessed by the song "Favorite One" by Misty Edwards.

Anyways...yeah...I could chat away quite a bit more....but my homework awaits me...it's so patient...because it knows it will eventually get me. Creepy!

Drive by blogging

I don't have much time so this will be just a quick "drive by" blog. Muahaha.

Life is good. School is good. I worked a lot last week, thus I'm catching up on school work and preparing for midterms this week.

I guess that's about it. I told you it would be "drive by."

I love you all!

BTW I'm having trouble getting photos to work on here...not sure why????Mom? I will upload it just right but then it will show up as java script.